رحلة الأمل - JourneyOfHope

No expectations, No wishes, No goals, No to do lists. Just focus to heal myself first. And biidznillah, i am feeling so much better after doing it. I know rise isn't easy,  I don't know will it's only maintain for few moments,  And will I be back to that phase again? But I want to believe everything will be better. Wether there will be sadness again, I want to easily rise again. I want more care to myself, i don't want to hurt her again. So, I just want to focus on myself. Afterall, there's no one who really understands u, beside Allah and urself. —Rihlatul-Amal Friday, May 31, 2024. In Mataram.

Step by step, I'll surely get better. Even though it's not easy to heal. Maybe there will be up and down, Maybe after healing for some time, i'll get hurt again. But it's better for me to take the process, and trying to enjoy it. The process to heal isn't easy, It's not going to very smoothly, But no matter how hard it is, Allah surely will help me. "Allah doesn't burden a soul beyond that it can bear." If Allah knows I can pass it and be heal, Allah will help me. O Allah, please ease me to heal and recover to be normal again. Aameen. —Rihlatul-Amal Tuesday, January 23, 2024. In Mataram.

Even though sometimes there are ups and downs on life, Can't I just hope to living the moment? Can't I just focus on what's currently happening? Rather than think about future moments, that's still blurry and we don't know what might happen later. I wanna feel excitements again. I wanna feel happiness again. I wanna feel something that makes me alive. I wanna feel something that makes me enjoy the life. I wanna feel something that makes me can have thought, "Oh, I can't wait for tomorrow!" or "I can't wait to do this and that, and also another things!" Ah, how I miss when still on my childhood phase, there are no fear of tomorrow.  Just wanna play, play, and play.  As if this world is really a fun place. Now as we get older, we realized the world isn't that fun. There are realities and possibilities that come to us, and we can't easily runaway from it. I just wanna living the moments. No certain thoughts. Just feeling the exciteme...

The new phase of life after college are not really easy. There's so much things to adapt again. There's so much things to think again. So, this is how it feels to be a mature human, huh? When I understand, I can't get back to the college phase and had to leave all of my memories there. Feeling like difficult at first. Feeling so lonely at first. But, this past few days I kinda learned. I have to accept the reality. Not all people always stay with me. But, I can try to adapt again and makes new friends, or stay with my old friends that still care to me too. Even if we're only can talks via online, it is okay too. When meeting up with the new friends irl, I also learned that's how life works. Wether they leave you, or you leave them. Or both of you and them trying to maintain and stay together. Afterall, this dunya is only temporary. Yes, that temporary. To think how many people that already leaving us to their grave? That's more hurts than people who're just ...

Her minds are confused, Why do everything seems so complicated? After that, the reality that she had only feels fakes, again and again. She can't difference between what's real and fake anymore. After that, only emptiness that she had. She can't feel excited or happy to get what she likes or faves before. She afraid the happiness that she might feels are only temporary. She start questioning herself, how are real happiness feels like again? So much things happened, made her can't enjoy things she used to like to. She lost her interest on almost everything. She lost her passion. She lost her motivation. She lost herself. She realized, that even when her wants are granted, she still can't feels happy. "What's wrong with me again?" "Am I not grateful to get all of this?" "Why is this happened?" "Am I the wrong one?" "But.. I just wanna be happy, that's it." —Rihlatul-Amal Tuesday, May 9, 2023. At Mataram.

Actually this issa bit surprised, when I just on a whim writing "I want to make another solo book this year" on my goals at diary. And boom, it's really happened not even one year after I write my first one. Eh, and I just realized too that I write there I wanna publish another solo book again x) Life sometimes can't be predicted right? Well, to be honest I am really confused too at that time, like, should I make another solo book? But I haven't finished my bachelor degree's thesis. I try too seek for Allah's answer which is the best for me. And so yeah, I try to ask my mom, should I make it or not. And when she said yes and even give me the money for the writing event, it's just clear my doubts. And I trust that this is Allah's answer. When writing this book, it's really surprising too. The method issa bit different from my first book. Because on "There Is Hope" , I didn't set any words goals that I should write for everyday. I...

Sometimes u don't need people that agree to every flaws you make. But want to criticize you one by one so you can get better. Sometimes i am okay with toxic positivity, as long as it can makes me better. I am idealist, yes. But still wanna improve. Funny to see people that seeking for attention for people to agree to their flaw. And make them walk in place.  But it's wrong too if you reveal their flaw when you're not one by one. I am talking for myself, this isn't linked to anyone of my friends or anyone (?). Btw i am that weird person that really like when someone critize me one on one.  They reveal my flaws, but then giving me solutions to get better.  Because sometimes i am just human that can't see my own flaws. You know, we are ease to find people flaws, but difficult to understand our own self and our flaws. So have friends that wanna tell ur flaws and giving solutions? Keep themmmmm. —Rihlatul-Amal July 28, 2020. At Dompu.

Little me answered, when got questioned what she want to be.  I don't know that it'll really happends in the future.  Sometimes I forgot what I want to be, i questioned what is really my passion.  Actually I already know, but can't figure it right away. Why do I always focus on my weakness before, feeling that I am not as capable as others?  That I forgot my own advantages and goals , focusing on people that has skills from something that I can't do. I figured it when I going to college. That I find it's very hard to catch other friend's design skills. I feel really stuck, I feelin' like I can't be as good as them. I always try to learn, but always get demotivated.  It's feels yea I know how to do this and that, but I can't get at the same level as them. I figured, that even when I try to learn, it'll takes so much time to be able to be as great as them. They already spend times that definitely very much than me. I can't catc...

2020 , again and again I always try to find "peace". And i reach the peace when I get to know more about the Rabb, Allah, Creator of The Universe. Every year there will always be happiness, confusion, sadness, etc. On that year, rather than complain to human, or just "holding" that's not healty.. I try to pour it out to Allah. Also, this pandemic we are always at home, so we can taste more time to closer to Allah.. More time to self muhasabah. Even tho our faith is really tested.  But when you feel alone, we are not really alone. There is Allah:'') Laa hawla wala quwwata illa billah. Alhamdulillah.. the peace I got made me even more blessed. Hopefully this will always maintained every day, aamiin. —Rihlatul-Amal January 9, 2021. At Dompu.

Makin' a book within 15 days?  Is that possible? You must be joking! That was also my thoughts at first. But biidznillah Allah ease everything. Can I say, 2021 lots of things happends for the first time for me. I have write it too on the previous post right? Like, it was one of my dream to have my writing getting published by a publisher. I never thought it will going to happend on that very quick time! Before writing my solo book, Allah also made it easy for me to join on an Anthology book project about this pandemic's wisdom. I write for several pages on that book about my story to find peace and also my tips to not getting futur on this pandemic situations. And so yeah, several months after my anthology book published, I saw this event by the publisher. It's called "Writing In 15 Days". What's makes me excited is that we can publish our solo book based on this event. I won't miss this opportunity. I try to register and invite my friends to join it too....

The more questions I had on my head... Can I be a good wife? Can I be a good mom? You know... Being woman isn't easy. You have to control your emotion, You have to prepare foods and needs of your family, You have to manage the finances, You have to do the chores, You have to carry your children and husband, You have to cover your aurat, so it can't be seen by the non mahram, You have to stay good as human being, As you'll become the first "school" for your children. Ah so that's why the change for it is paradise, as it's very difficult and not anyone can do it properly. It's not easy at all. I wonder, can I be the good wife and mother? Oh Allah, please grant my wish and make it easy. Oh Allah, please help me to be better. Aameen. —Rihlatul-Amal Thursday, December 16, 2021 At Mataram.

Sometimes it's better to not know some of things. If it don't have any value or benefit. Just know important things that will last forever. Sometimes it's better to hiding some things, so only some people know it  Sometimes it's better to keep secrets some things so it will not causing any harm —Rihlatul-Amal Sunday, October 3, 2021 At Malang

I copied this quote from my diary. "Maybe there are not much photos to show our memories, but the memories will stay forever. In here, our minds. And on the journal that we always write."  -Myself, July 1, 2018 Also my chat to Ruri "Our memories may erased and forgotten from our mind. But with capture it in writing or photograph, it will last even forever.  And it's so important to us to backed up all of this to the internet (or like google drive for privates).  More importantly, if we can make good memories that value to jannah, we may made it more everlasting.  Maybe our memories from the dunya will be showen up in afterlife later:) Bebeb, Anna uhibuki fillah❤️ I hope we can meet later in jannah insyaallah aamiin." -Myself, April 30, 2020 —Rihlatul-Amal

Sometimes life is funny... When we plan to do something, Allah give a plan to do something else more quick. Sometimes life is funny... When we thought we can be close, Allah makes more distant to us. Sometimes life is funny... When we plan it to be happen longer, But Allah plan it to be more quick. Sometimes life is funny... When we afraid we can't do it, Allah somehow make it easier to finish it. Sometimes life is funny... When we thought we can't have future, Allah makes more better future for us. Sometimes life is funny... When we thought we have failed, Allah shows that we can still fix it. Sometimes life is funny... When we thought we've lost some friends, Allah meet us to another wholesome friends. Keep pray, keep make dua, be patient. Don't lose hope to Allah. Allah know what is better for you. Allah know what you need, not what you want . This year, you got many things to learn.  Alhamdulillah. Thank you for not giving up, Thank you for not lose hope, Thank yo...

Can you believe that someone can inspires other people? Sometimes you feels like it's nothing, but it's really useful to others. We can both inspires each others. Just a little steps, your movements, your reminders. If it shared sincerely, even the simple one, it can be inspiring someone. So what I want to say is, like on the photo below : (The Photo was taken on August 2021) Keep inspiring! —Rihlatul-Amal May 1, 2020 with some changes. At Dompu

I'm stuggling at starting something. Before I even start, I already thoughts many things that might happend. I am a lil bit afraid if the finish of the things will be bad. But it's just on my mind, it's actually not true. It's always difficult to start, but when I already made a progress, it's actually easy. I will try my best to start something again and again.  There is nothing wrong to be fail later, because mistake is the proof you're trying. Mistakes can makes you stronger and learn much things even better than when you don't fails at all. It's okay buddy, everything will be all right, don't forget to pray to Allah so He will ease you. يَا حَيُّ يَا قَيُّوْمُ بِرَحْمَتِكَ أَسْتَغِيْثُ، وَأَصْلِحْ لِيْ شَأْنِيْ كُلَّهُ وَلاَ تَكِلْنِيْ إِلَى نَفْسِيْ طَرْفَةَ عَيْنٍ أَبَدًا Don't lose hope.. —Rihlatul-Amal May 6, 2021 with lots of changes At Malang

I love people's react when I told my age, and they were shocked "Eh you're still this young?". But sometimes I also don't want to reveal my age, so people will not treath me as like child or etc. Just because slightly a bit age different. And it's better for them to not know. I also feeling it's a bit weird when people thoughts I am more old than my real age. Like, i thought i am still very childish. They say my writing and appearance is like 22-25ish or something. Some strangers often call me "Mrs" too. Btw it's so true that our age doesn't define our mentality and maturity. Our experiences are different.  Sometimes young people has more experiences than the older one, Sometimes we have to accept it and don't blame someone just because their age. Old or young, we are all have makes mistake. Old or young, we are all can still shine on our way at our own phase. Old or young, we are all just human, so don't be afraid to feel left. K...

I like how minimalist lifestyle in a line with Islam shari'a.  Because everything that we do will be counted, every stuff we have, every behaviour, and etc.  This minimalist life taught us to carefully when we buy something. If it just for wish, not need. We must not buy it. On the Qur'an, Al-Isra' verse 27 , Allah said :  إِنَّ ٱلْمُبَذِّرِينَ كَانُوٓا۟ إِخْوَٰنَ ٱلشَّيَٰطِينِ ۖ وَكَانَ ٱلشَّيْطَٰنُ لِرَبِّهِۦ كَفُورًا "In fact, the wasters are devoted brothers and devils are very disbelievers to their Lord." This shows that waster is one of despicable deed, because the devils/syaitan is the one who invite people to do it. And the waster also counted as kufr for Allah's favor. From Abu Hurairah, he said that the Prophet ﷺ said, "Surely Allah supplies three things for you and is angry when you do three things. Allah is pleased if you worship Him and not associate Him with anything. And (Allah is pleased) if you hold on to Allah's whole rope, and you a...

Ya Allah, thanks for giving me good family and friends. Ya Allah I really love 'em so much. Pls bless 'em and I hope we can meet again later on the paradise. Ya Allah, I realized how patient my family are. How they can still good to me even tho I am really a rebel child back then. How they can still not hurt and leave me when knowing my flaws. I really love 'em. I wanna be a good child and be shalihah so I can enter the paradise. So I can invite 'em to paradise too. Ya Allah please always give us guidance (hidayah) and protect us in any circumstances. We are people, so we make mistakes sometimes.  Please forgive us. Please let all of us die in this manhaj salaf. For my good friends, thank for always be there on happy and sad event. Thanks for always there when I am on my lowest.  When I make trouble and mistakes, ya'll still don't leave me and also remind me to not do that again. Thanks you very much.  I hope Allah bless you all too. —Rihlatul-Amal January 27, 2...

I just need rest. I just need 1 day or more. Were I am really don't go to anywhere. Just here. Skip all of life routines that all about dunya. Learn more about Islam and close to Allah. I want to leave from activities that I joined, that made me priority dunya over the deen. But I don't want to feel pressured when I don't do the task that I must to do. Holiday. Holy day. Graduation day. Please come fast. I need you. —Rihlatul-Amal November 20, 2018 At Malang